With the drama that was encompassed partially in my previous post, I was determined to make the end of this silly month lovely. I mean, it was my eighteenth birthday so I thought that it should be special. And I didn't want it to be some party fest that my parents wanted or full of adventures and new things like my peers said it would be. No, I planned for two weeks a simple day with my closest friends. I woke up that morning to my little sister wishing me a happy birthday. I rolled back to sleep after waving her off. When I did get up, I got started with making things. I made green tea lemonade and cream cheese filled strawberries and veggie burgers topped with avocados. The kitchen was messy and I moved to all parts of the counter top and I enjoyed that because I was making something with my hands. Pat and Becca came over and we went to watch
The Hunger Games and walked home to watch
Battle Royale. I made some dinner and Becca and I joked about how Clara would never arrive. We ate a lot and laughed at lot and made fun of Clara a lot. We huddled in my room afterward, and got frustrated with my wireless internet, and painted our nails, and then we decided to watch one of my favorite movies. We ate some more and Becca passed out because she was sick. She still had her hydrating mask on so that was awkward.
I didn't have the most eventful birthday but I was happy with it. But the thought of being eighteen is so frightening. My dad told me the day before that now everything I do, I have to answer the consequences for. Everything I do, my parents have no say about. And although some may see that as freedom, I see it as a warning. I'm not ready for that responsibility. My inability to make choices are now going to affect me in such a larger scale. I have to start thinking about my future and I hate that the most because whenever I do, I always think about the end product. I imagine myself in a home, settled, lolly dallying around a lake. I can't really imagine how I 'm going to get there or what I'm going to do when there. I just know that that's where I want to be but isn't that where most people want to be? It's a common human goal. To own a home, secure in the monetary sense, happy with yourself. It's not ambitious but at the same time, I'm still so unsure that I'll be able to reach that goal.
A mid-life crisis?
At eighteen?
Oye.
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| my friends bought me a cake. |
